{38 reflections }


Just kidding even I cannot come up with 38 reflections, but there is a few I wanted to write down, probably mostly for myself to remember for next time if I get pregnant again...

-I am feeling heavy, achy, and sort of.. okay, more like really, really - uncomfortable, and all the time. I wake up tired, because sleeping feels like a chore. I don't like the fact I can not bend in any direction or even hug Simon cause his head bounces off the giant ball between us, but any time I start feeling sorry for myself, when that thought of "man this is hard" appears, I sort of get angry with myself. Angry, that I am not cherishing it as I should, it is such a special time after all, such a freaking gift and a privilege, I should be more grateful for things like this. I mean we only do this so many times in life and it is magic, really, vericose veins and all.


-I also get a bit angry, that I don't remember feeling this way with Simon, was I better then, gosh I hate a thought I could have been better at something and I am failing to do so now...?  Maybe I am just getting older, or maybe my memories faded over time, or maybe I just have a different pregnancy this time and just like from the very beginning I need to learn to accept the fact, no kids are the same nor pregnancies, nor nothing really, even snowflakes, so I need to stop being silly.



On another note there are things that are just legendary, like I basically need to park in two parking spots to get out of the car. I use pregnancy brain as excuses for things I would do anyway, pregnant or not, like starting to wash off my nail polish, stopping half way interrupted by a toddler and letting some fingernails still linger on for days with the lovely shades of peeled walls. See below, one clean, one not.
I abuse, with cold blood for the matter,  the very fact that I can use the pregnancy excuse to get out of things, I mean how easy is it? "sorry, cant do it, I am pregnant", one cannot force a pregnant woman to anything really, and I mean anything, cleaning, walking, doing whatever, basically I can get away acting like a toddler, I can say and do what I want and nobody will blame me too much for it, gosh how hard will it be not to hide behind pregnancy and hormones again, acting like an adult is rather hard.

But aside it all, this can be my last bump sesh, and my last days with this little body inside of mine, and I just want to lock this following sentence forever in my heart, "carrying you in me was always my greatest privilege and my greatest joy, the best things I did in life is carry you and your bother to life".

Over and out, now watch me come back with twenty more preggo outfit posts.


Skirt c/o Storq, shirt: UrbanOutfitters, shoes: Converse, glasses: H&M

2 comments

  1. I was just complaining to my husband that Assya might have been an even bigger miracle than Zoard and I feel that I am not treating this pregnancy as something super special like I used to with Zoard. We had ten IUI treatments and one miscarriage before Zoard so we had to wait for years to have him. I was still breastfeeding and I only had a period twice when we decided to try to have another little one without any treatments and I got pregnant immediately. My husband suggests that I go forward day by day and it doesn't matter how much one complained yesterday because maybe today, you will appreciate this miracle better. Maybe yesterday you didn't eat five portions of fruit and listened to Mozart but today you will be all inner meditating and sipping mint tea... Who takes all these lovely pictures of you every time?! Xoxo, Eszter @zoardminiboy

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  2. I was just complaining to my husband that Assya might have been an even bigger miracle than Zoard and I feel that I am not treating this pregnancy as something super special like I used to with Zoard. We had ten IUI treatments and one miscarriage before Zoard so we had to wait for years to have him. I was still breastfeeding and I only had a period twice when we decided to try to have another little one without any treatments and I got pregnant immediately. My husband suggests that I go forward day by day and it doesn't matter how much one complained yesterday because maybe today, you will appreciate this miracle better. Maybe yesterday you didn't eat five portions of fruit and listened to Mozart but today you will be all inner meditating and sipping mint tea... Who takes all these lovely pictures of you every time?! Xoxo, Eszter @zoardminiboy

    ReplyDelete