Holiday Pictures. Deconstructed.

You know Instagram? Yes, that app, where you spend hours looking at everyone's perfect images and wonder "how the heck did they manage to get them, did they hire a whole team of photographers or an entire special lighting crew? hair and makeup?" yeah that app... I know, because I often times wonder that very same thing. I am almost certain nobody thinks of my pictures in quite the superlatives, but I try my best there too, it is true for everyone, I think, we all put our best online, on Instagram, on Facebook, whichever, we do want to put the best picture to represent us well, I belive this is a quite natural instinct.



By all means, I am no picture expert, nor do I know much about photography, but since the season when we want to take the best family snaps is upon us, I thought it would be fun to discuss what works for me and what doesn't while family picture taking. Probably there is more of what doesn'ts,  because taking a pic with two littles is never an easy task, and a lot of things don't work, but still I will try my best.

Polished reminiscence

 I wrote this right after I came back, but it took me three weeks to put it together, oh life...

***

So we are home, today marks a week since we landed back on American soil, and I feel like I have never left. It feels like I haven’t been to Poland, or I have, but in a different life, in some altered dimension and for sure a thousand years ago. I would even say I was dreaming it, if it wasn’t for the fact that Simon’s polish really improved and he is still walking around building sentences and all, responding to me and such, or was is indeed magic!?

So yeah, that is how it usually feels, it seems like in the age of facetime and Dreamliners, that 6,000 miles is not really that big of a distance, the world is much smaller after all. But it does. I feel every mile of the distance and every hour of the time difference, each closing down the window of connection between the worlds. I think quite obviously the time and distance are the real reasons why it always feels like this, why it always feels like it didn’t happen, or happened in a different life, but it is just so surprising… every time it happens.

On Loneliness.

The dust has settled down, and we are settled in, trying to feel like home is home. Trying to adjust to the new normal that still feels out of ordinary. The new normal of being completely, utterly out of place. We are hoping that our new place will feel in place and like our place, sometime, soon, but probably later than sooner. Sadly I can keep going, oh brother, I won't...

Easter, Spring and Staycation.

Gosh is everyone hungry for spring as badly as I am? it seems like each years it gets more and more intense, this longing to be outside and actually enjoy it, to be warm and comfortable, to not regret one forgot gloves, or a hat or put on that third level coat on instead of the fashionable level one.

As a Bostonette.

So I have been here almost four months, yup, quite officially, I have a Mass driving license and all. And yes people refer to Massachusetts as Mass, and for the record it is not a state, it is a commonwealth, what does that mean? I am not 100% positive, but it does sound quite noble and in a way almost altruistic, like we will all be taking care of our wealth here and sharing it and all...
I know, I probably should have googled it before mentioning it... but without any further do, here are some things I have noticed about the reality in this new common wealth of our being.

{ Finding the time...}

You know the phrase “I don’t have the time”? yeah that one, the one you hear all the time? pun intended of course. The one I am guilty of… I know, you are probably too, but don’t worry, we all use it and abuse it, to the point that it doesn’t even mean anything, whatsoever.

Once you think about it, what does it mean? really? “I don’t have the time” we all have time, time is here, time is now, time is sort of all. the. time. So isn’t it all about what we make of it? How we divide it and organize it? We probably should use “I didn’t make the time for…” or “I made the time for…” to be honest really.

{ you will always have a piece of my heart Chicago }

We are moving. We are leaving Chicago for good. In two weeks, we won't be calling Chicago our home anymore. We will be from Boston, from Massachusetts. Different zip code, different phone number, different airport abbreviation, even different store chains. It feels surreal, it feels like I am talking about the life of someone else, but it also feels exciting, exhilarating and liberating.

{ a month with Leo Grey }

Hello world, meet Leo Grey, it has been four weeks that he spent on the other side. The shortest 28 days and un-proportionally long 28 nights. Leo came three days before his due date, officially closing the marathon of me being a million months pregnant. He came at a whooping weight of 9lbs 15oz which translates to 4,508g, broke all the family records on record and a few other things but about that later.

{ waiting game vs a surprise party }

In all honesty, I didn't think I would make it this far, I never suspected that this baby will stay inside this long and so avidly...
In all honesty, I never believed in my body very much, not before and not particularly now... One could say, I am one ungrateful body possessor, always have been, which is sad yet true, but body image aside...

{38 reflections }

Just kidding even I cannot come up with 38 reflections, but there is a few I wanted to write down, probably mostly for myself to remember for next time if I get pregnant again...

-I am feeling heavy, achy, and sort of.. okay, more like really, really - uncomfortable, and all the time. I wake up tired, because sleeping feels like a chore. I don't like the fact I can not bend in any direction or even hug Simon cause his head bounces off the giant ball between us, but any time I start feeling sorry for myself, when that thought of "man this is hard" appears, I sort of get angry with myself. Angry, that I am not cherishing it as I should, it is such a special time after all, such a freaking gift and a privilege, I should be more grateful for things like this. I mean we only do this so many times in life and it is magic, really, vericose veins and all.

{ when the lightest meets the heaviest }

I am hitting the unknown territory here, arriving at 37 weeks of pregnancy is something I have not done before, by now I would be holding Simon in my arms enjoying the 7.11" of his glory. I assume his brother is of similar size now, because I am feeling really, really heavy these days. At my last midwife appointment I was measuring a week ahead all the sudden, so it looks like we are working on something big over here.

I said it many times now that I used to be such a hard butt on not owning much of pregnancy gear, but from this point forward I just don't know how to do it anymore, it is all getting out of control and every angle of me has changed its shape by now. I call this integrated expansion. And for those last days or weeks of this really fine stretching to the limit, and testing one's skin elasticity to a see-through point of no return, one needs some comfort.

{ Hello }

FAQs

But not the fulminating kind

Note that it is the first fact I want people to know about me strictly, because I am following my natural patterns of associations. So yes, I do course on occasion. I think there is a time and a  place for a good course word, sometimes Polish, sometimes English, context-wise permitting.

Why another blog?
There is about a billion unoriginal reasons why people do it and I am doing it for all of them, but hey, I have more, so here is another one, maybe you have not heared that one before. So, I really wanted a place for all the outtakes of the pictures I save on my camera roll, for reals. I usually obey the sacred, unspoken rule of Instagram not to spam and choose to post just one picture, but I keep all the outtakes and they haunt me at night. I just want them to be used, somewhere, thus I am keeping them for something, at  this point I am on a verge of spamming Instagram and that is just such a faux pas... so bear with me, I need a happy space to upload the pictures, and simply clean up my phone instead of saving them for God knows what. And then I always want to say so much, I just have words in my head that need a more solid outlet than a caption or w comment, so here is my resolve.