{ Leo Grey. The birth story. }

I have been writing this story for a long, long time, before it even really begun. We mothers always do, we write stories, especially ones like these. We let our minds race into the future and play out scenarios of life events we are anticipating. I had so many versions of this story ready, before it really begun, but when it finally did, it was nothing like I imagined, cause it never is, life is wonderful or cruel that way, but at least it keeps us surprised every time.

{ you will always have a piece of my heart Chicago }

We are moving. We are leaving Chicago for good. In two weeks, we won't be calling Chicago our home anymore. We will be from Boston, from Massachusetts. Different zip code, different phone number, different airport abbreviation, even different store chains. It feels surreal, it feels like I am talking about the life of someone else, but it also feels exciting, exhilarating and liberating.

{ a month with Leo Grey }

Hello world, meet Leo Grey, it has been four weeks that he spent on the other side. The shortest 28 days and un-proportionally long 28 nights. Leo came three days before his due date, officially closing the marathon of me being a million months pregnant. He came at a whooping weight of 9lbs 15oz which translates to 4,508g, broke all the family records on record and a few other things but about that later.

{ waiting game vs a surprise party }

In all honesty, I didn't think I would make it this far, I never suspected that this baby will stay inside this long and so avidly...
In all honesty, I never believed in my body very much, not before and not particularly now... One could say, I am one ungrateful body possessor, always have been, which is sad yet true, but body image aside...

{ Chicago-dog days of summer }

Chicago can be weatherly cruel, oh yes, it can stab you in the back many times with its bipolar moodiness, but by the middle of August, through September and sometimes - if kind enough, and slightly distracted perhaps- through October, it will cuddle you in its sunny glory. These are the golden days the city's crammed population lives for, waits for ten months just to witness these dog days of summer, really, Chicago ethos. We have enjoyed a great deal of this late summer, or what westerners would call the Indian summer, simply golden times.

{38 reflections }

Just kidding even I cannot come up with 38 reflections, but there is a few I wanted to write down, probably mostly for myself to remember for next time if I get pregnant again...

-I am feeling heavy, achy, and sort of.. okay, more like really, really - uncomfortable, and all the time. I wake up tired, because sleeping feels like a chore. I don't like the fact I can not bend in any direction or even hug Simon cause his head bounces off the giant ball between us, but any time I start feeling sorry for myself, when that thought of "man this is hard" appears, I sort of get angry with myself. Angry, that I am not cherishing it as I should, it is such a special time after all, such a freaking gift and a privilege, I should be more grateful for things like this. I mean we only do this so many times in life and it is magic, really, vericose veins and all.

{ when the lightest meets the heaviest }

I am hitting the unknown territory here, arriving at 37 weeks of pregnancy is something I have not done before, by now I would be holding Simon in my arms enjoying the 7.11" of his glory. I assume his brother is of similar size now, because I am feeling really, really heavy these days. At my last midwife appointment I was measuring a week ahead all the sudden, so it looks like we are working on something big over here.

I said it many times now that I used to be such a hard butt on not owning much of pregnancy gear, but from this point forward I just don't know how to do it anymore, it is all getting out of control and every angle of me has changed its shape by now. I call this integrated expansion. And for those last days or weeks of this really fine stretching to the limit, and testing one's skin elasticity to a see-through point of no return, one needs some comfort.

{ Hello }


But not the fulminating kind

Note that it is the first fact I want people to know about me strictly, because I am following my natural patterns of associations. So yes, I do course on occasion. I think there is a time and a  place for a good course word, sometimes Polish, sometimes English, context-wise permitting.

Why another blog?
There is about a billion unoriginal reasons why people do it and I am doing it for all of them, but hey, I have more, so here is another one, maybe you have not heared that one before. So, I really wanted a place for all the outtakes of the pictures I save on my camera roll, for reals. I usually obey the sacred, unspoken rule of Instagram not to spam and choose to post just one picture, but I keep all the outtakes and they haunt me at night. I just want them to be used, somewhere, thus I am keeping them for something, at  this point I am on a verge of spamming Instagram and that is just such a faux pas... so bear with me, I need a happy space to upload the pictures, and simply clean up my phone instead of saving them for God knows what. And then I always want to say so much, I just have words in my head that need a more solid outlet than a caption or w comment, so here is my resolve.